They never pick stunners to be the Panto Dame, either

January 2, 2010

Alice || Coventry

Mum: I always feel so sorry for Dame Edna Everage. She’s such an ugly woman.

Catch 22

November 25, 2009

Tamsin || Dorset, UK

We were debating starting the dog on a course of tablets that evening, or leaving it to the morning when he had his breakfast

Mum: Can you open them now, and see if they’re crushable, but if they’re not, don’t open them.

One For The Brits Among Us

July 28, 2009

Jenni || Norwich, UK

Mum – Who’s that lady with the big hair – off Eastenders?

Me – Barbara Windsor?

Mum – No, no… erm … Oh, I remember – Dolly Parton!

And the babies are chickerels

July 27, 2009

Alex || Cornwall, UK

Mum – You know how a male chicken is called a cockerel?

Me – Yes…?

Mum – Is a lady chicken called a henerel?

Diablo Cody Didn’t Write Borat, Either.

July 15, 2009

Sasha || Cardiff
I returned home from the cinema and my mum asked what I had gone to see

Me – Bruno, it was very funny.

Mum – I know it, the one about the pregnant girl.

Me – It’s really, really not.

Diagnosis Murder Would Have Been A Very Different Show

June 11, 2009

Will || Essex


After a particularly long sleep, I came downstairs yawning and proclaiming that I felt just like Rip Van Winkle. My mum looked a bit confused and said

Mum – The one from Mary Poppins?

Take That Like Exotic Fruit

June 9, 2009

Tammy || Bristol

My mum calls herself a Take That fan, and I heard herself singing this in the kitchen about a month ago

Mum – We like papaya! Your love is my only desire! We like papaya!

When I asked her what she thought she was singing, it turns out she’d originally thought the lyrics we ‘Relight my fire’, ie, the correct lyrics, but my dad had convinced her otherwise.

My dad is awesome.